As our loved ones grow old, we often find it difficult to figure out how best to care for them. Should we let them choose where they want to live? Should we take them into our own homes, or place them with a caregiver who has medical expertise and fully equipped facilities? What if your loved one is mentally impaired, and cannot assist with making the decision themselves? We all care for our loved ones, and want only the best for them: this guide will talk you through how best to take an active approach towards improving their wellbeing and ensuring the care you choose is right for them.

First, consider the degree to which your loved one can participate in the decision-making. Even if they are suffering from some form of mental impairment, they may still be able to indicate things that are important to them, such as the ability to walk outside or swim in a therapy pool. If your loved one is completely unable to participate in the decision-making process, consider care options where they can receive a significant amount of support to assist them in day-to-day life, while maintaining the independence they still retain. Learn as much as possible about your loved one’s illness, so you can understand the perspective that they are coming from, and what care options may best support it.

Once you have a good idea of what your loved one needs and wants, examine different care options and whether they fit your criteria. Some of the major general indicators of a good caregiving facility are the following:

• Good quality food, with meals at the same time every day;
• Gentle and thorough standard of help provided;
• Support with washing and dressing, as well as necessary bathroom adaptations when required (e.g. for wheelchair access);
• Dental hygiene assistance;
• Confidentiality and privacy policies in place;
• Active listening to those receiving the care service, and explaining things in terms understandable to the service user (using an interpreter where necessary);
• Caring for physical needs and pain;
• Freedom to make complaints or discuss problems;
• Support for person receiving service to conduct self-care and make choices;
• Respect for personal preferences, lifestyle, cultural and religious background; and
• Continuity of carers, as well as monitoring services in place to hold carers accountable

The wellbeing of your loved one will be greatly improved if they are in a care facility that provides them with the above services, and finds the right balance between allowing your loved one independence, and providing them with support. After considering different care options and whether they meet the above indicators, create an open line of communication with your loved one. Make sure you discuss all major decisions with them, and what your plans are, even if you are unsure about the degree to which they can understand and consider those plans. Keep notes of your discussions with them, and write down any feelings or desires that they express for their care.

Finally, encourage family meetings so that everyone can discuss any concerns at the same time. Make it easier on yourself when asking for help by setting aside one-on-one time to speak to each person. The quality of your loved one’s care will be supported by each family member being in charge of particular aspects of it. Draw up a list of caregiving needs as a family, and make sure that they are all allocated equally, while also pointing out areas in which people have particular skills (such as finances). Each family member can make sure that they regularly check up on that area of care to ensure it is being provided adequately. Family meetings can help families to feel empowered and supported by caregivers and nurses as well, and act as a useful tool if you are considering referring your loved one to palliative care, facing the progression of disease or mental impairment, or if their treatment is being changed. Ensure that the wellbeing of your loved one is discussed as the top priority, and ask relevant members of their care team to attend, such as GPs and community care organisations.

If your loved one is already in care, and you are concerned that they aren’t receiving proper assistance or respect, there are several steps you can take. One of the options available is taking legal advice. You can file a complaint if you feel that your loved one is not being treated with respect, or is not being provided the appropriate services. Your lawyer will be able to help you file a complaint with the Care Quality Commission, or you can contact the Local Government Ombudsmen if you still require further help. If you are concerned that anyone is mistreating your loved one in their care facility, contact Age UK or the Action on Elder Abuse confidential helpline if you need further advice than what you have received from your lawyer.

By following these steps, you can ensure that your loved one’s care is of the highest quality, whether they are in a caregiving facility or receiving family care. By making their wellbeing the top priority, you can feel secure in knowing that they are well looked after.